Friday, May 28, 2010

Tame Your Some One Special

As you all must have known by now, am a never been married dude, though am in a very serious relationship with an amazing girl for over six years. Since I have never been married, I don’t have any first hand experience on marriage. The only experience I have is the observation of other married couples. Sadly, I find most marriages ‘Hellish’ and ‘Terrifying’. I can’t understand why marriages turn sour after a given period. I seriously don’t know why?

After much observation and the so many stories, complaints and the desire that I get to hear everyday from my fellow married buddies, am so inspired to write this dark, sarcastic and tasteless article.

Before you browse down, I want you all to know that this article may offend many of you but before you judge me, I want to know that, I am not a male chauvinist. I respect women. Without Women, this world can’t simply exist even if the male gender finds an alternative option to reproduce. This article is purely for fun propose. Enjoy!

Life is not all about rainbows, butterflies and roses. Life can suck pretty much. This sucking part does not stop at a certain point. It keeps on growing till Mother Nature finally unplugs you from this world. As any married middle aged man, nobody is satisfied with his life. Going to work feels like going to prison, in short it feels more like the circle of torture, where you are the circle that keeps on orbiting round the torture. Getting job satisfaction is nearly impossible. How can anyone get satisfaction from his job when your boss is out to kick your ass for the slightest mistake, lame increments that don’t make any difference in your pay check even after 5 years, the thousands of credits which actually belong to you but your boss someone manage to pull under his sleeves!

Life sure is not a bed of roses and to make things even worse, your someone special keeps on nagging you for not giving her enough attention, about your low paid salary, how much she has sacrificed for you, how much she deserves more, the eerie conversations about a stupid pink dress that was on sale in the middle of a movie or in the last minute of a very crucial game. Life sure sucks. Unfortunately you can’t do much about your job as you will find 99% of the HOD’s are born leeches. It’s more like a universal truth, like the sun rises from the east, something that you can’t fight but accept it. But you can shut that bitch mouth everytime she starts nagging you. Am sure you will give anything to shut that bitch and put some sense in her bottomless empty brain.

Men are like dogs. Seriously men are like dogs, not only in terms of sex. But there are two different kinds of dog, pet dogs and street dogs. Pet dogs can take any crap his owner throws but a street dog never does. Street dogs are their own master. If you want to tame your someone special, you have to leave your pet dog shoes and step into the street dog shoes. Shoes that will let you to freedom, shoes that will set you free from the nagging and the free tensions that you get from your someone special.

Marriage is a holy Union between two individuals. But this does not mean that she can throw anything at you while you obediently take all her crap. Men should be men no matter what. Men should lead the way, not women. Women should actually worship men because if it wasn’t for men you would have never survived the course of time and evolution. Don’t believe me. Well here are two simple common facts:

1. Do you think you would have survived the pre-historic ages where you have to fight for food with wild beast? Do you think you are physically capable of defeating a wilder wildebeest for its flesh or defend your life from lion with nothing but just a stone weapon…?

2. Even if Nature was kind to you I don’t think your gender would have survived each other. For god sake, your gender is full of hatred and jealousy for each other. If my gender won’t have been, your gender would have killed each other. Your gender just can’t stand and witness another one of your kind making progress.

I know what you will say now. I guess its, ‘even the male gender wont exist in this world without the other gender as how will you guys reproduce without the female gender’. For god sake, let’s be more sensible (which you are incapable of), even your gender won’t be able to exist and expand the civilization of human beings without us as you too need us to reproduce. So let’s not jump to the reproducing topic.

Coming to the taming part: Guys the first and the most important is, make here fully dependent on you, emotionally and mentally. Make her feel that she cant make any decision without you, make her feel that her life is worthless with you, make her feel that if you dump or divorce her no sane person would accept her, in short, make her feel that she has no market value. Financial dependency is also important but unlike the old times, the opposite gender have started conquering new field after decades of protest and nagging with the slogan that says ‘Men and Women are Equal. A woman can do anything a Man can do’, but do you think she can run down the street without wearing a shirt.